American Idol Voters Get It Right: Anything Else Is Impossible

On Wednesday night, American Idol "dark horse" contestant Kris Allen seemed to come from out of nowhere to steal the crown from judges' darling Adam Lambert, and on Thursday a lot of people are asking questions. How did this happen? Is the show rigged? Did conservative groups reportedly rallying to vote for Kris---or against Adam---color the result? And why can't a gay singer win American Idol?

I called Kris Allen as the winner when they were at the top nine---the week he first covered "Ain't No Sunshine"---and his startlingly original cover of Donna Summer's "She Works Hard For the Money" during the top seven disco week only solidified my pick. It was a gut reaction based on one thing: I liked him best. I liked his acoustic guitar work. I liked his voice. I liked his arrangements. I liked his humbleness.

But none of these are the reason Kris won, or at least not the only reason. Kris won because winning American Idol (like so many reality show contests) comes down to numbers. Where did those numbers come from? Did extreme conservatives come out in droves for Kris? There's no way to know. But there's one thing we do know: if you have a favorite you vote for, and your favorite is eliminated, you have to pick a new favorite if you want to continue voting. It's the ultimate runoff election, this season culminating in "nearly" 100 million votes on Tuesday night, and the runoff went to Kris.

To be more particular, in my mind there are three major factors to who wins American Idol.

Factor #1: Who gets which eliminated contestants' votes? This becomes more pertinent as we draw closer to the end, so let's just consider the final four: Allison Iraheta, Danny Gokey, Kris Allen, and Adam Lambert, and pretend there were only 100 votes available.

Allison was routinely in the bottom three, and Danny never was until his elimination, so let's assume Allison had the smallest share of 100 votes, and Danny the highest. Let's give Danny 40 votes, Allison 10. Give Adam 30 votes (assuming voters generally preferred him over Kris, though we don't know that's the case) and Kris 20.

When Allison was eliminated, who did her fans start to vote for? Let's say it was Adam, just for yuks. Give Adam those 10 votes during the top three. That makes it Danny 40, Adam 40, Kris 20. Now Danny is eliminated. Anyone want to go out on a limb and say Danny's fans started voting for Adam? No? Okay, then during the finale it would be Adam 40, Kris 60.

And this disregards the nine previous weeks. When Matt Giraud was eliminated, who did his fans start voting for? Michael Sarver? Lil Rounds? Anoop Desai? Scott MacIntyre?

Factor #2: Who best handles the (usually) insipid and trite original song? This year we suffered through a composition co-written by new American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi. This song alone is a reason to fire Kara for next season, as if there weren't already plenty of reasons (and did it really take three people to write that crap?).

So who handled it best? Like everything Idol, it's subjective, and I've already admitted I'm a Kris fan...but I also know bad notes when I hear them, and Kris suffered through several during his rendition of "No Boundaries". But it was also one of Adam's weakest performances, sounding shrill and unintelligible. Also, who's more believable singing a (supposedly) inspiring, I'll lift you up-style song, Kris or Adam? I'm gonna go with Kris. And Kara all but apologized to Kris for the fact that the song was in a key too high for him.

Factor #3: People who tune in to see the finale who don't watch any other episodes. What would they have seen? Here's what I'm guessing. They saw Adam Lambert, who they've no doubt heard is the runaway favorite, doing his usual: a little screeching, some tongue protrusions, wearing eyeliner, doing one very solid number ("Mad World"), one hot mess ("A Change Is Gonna Come") and slipping on the original tune. And they saw Kris Allen, a kid-next-door, playing acoustic guitar and piano, nailing one song ("Ain't No Sunshine"), performing admirably if unremarkably on another ("What's Goin' On"), and struggling with the new song. And I'm guessing they might also have wondered if Kris (or Adam) was the best the show could come up with this year. And America being America...they most likely went for Kris.

But the "big" question remains: why can't a gay contestant win American Idol? (This assumes that Adam is gay, which he's never said...okay, never mind. He's gay.) A better question would be this: why didn't this particular gay contestant win American Idol?

Was he too flamboyant? Was it the eyeliner? The androgynous hair? The theatricality? I don't know, but I can tell you this...of the many friends I have who are Idol watchers and theatre people, a majority of them actually did not prefer Adam, perhaps for the same reason I didn't. Everything he did seemed so rehearsed, so calculated, so much a character or a mask, that I never really felt like I was seeing Adam himself. When he sang "Tracks of My Tears" I thought to myself: if he was wearing clown makeup, a la Pagliacci, it wouldn't be out of place. But if I want to watch acting, I'll watch a movie or tune in to a t.v. show or take in a play. When I watch a singer, I want to see the singer's real personality. Kris Allen delivered that every week, without fail, and with great consistency he also delivered more original arrangements than anyone else except, arguably, Adam.

There's also this: I can't hear an Adam Lambert album in my head. I don't know what kind of song he'd record, I don't know who he is or what he wants to say. On the other hand, I do hear a Kris Allen album. And I, apparently like many other Idol fans this season, am looking forward to buying one.